


can we start over (before it's over)

by persephonea



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Universe, Fluff and Angst, Forehead Touching, Is there a tag for, Keith Deserved Better, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Post-Season/Series 04, Pre-Relationship, and one flashback set somewhere in between, i couldn't help myself and write some actual meaningful conversations we were denied this season, missing fix-it moments of sorts, more like pre-pining, now there is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 23:43:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,611
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12376572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/persephonea/pseuds/persephonea
Summary: “You know what Pidge said the other day? About you being a loner?” He decided to go straight to the point because he couldn’t handle going around it rambling with Keith looking at him like that.Keith nodded. “Yeah, what about it?” His frown seemed to be saying,why are you bringing it up now?“Just,” Lance made a vague wide gesture with his hands. “I guess it’s been bugging me. Do you really see yourself like that? I mean, if we’re talking past that broody vibe you’ve got going on. Do you still, even now?”Keith’s frown deepened. “I’ve been alone my whole life.”—or: Lance had been watching Keith slowly pulling away from the team for months now and it wasn’t until Keith almost died that Lance realized how badly he messed up.





	can we start over (before it's over)

**Author's Note:**

> Attention: If you haven't watched season 4, this has some spoilers.  
> What a wild ride that was guys, am I right. I guess this is my way of coping with the well of emotions I've been thrown into after finishing it. Especially Keith has been on my mind since Friday and I could talk about the lack of meaningful interactions and character development all day or I could just write it down and give Keith love he deserves.  
> Please enjoy!
> 
> also @saecchii saved my life again ♡

Lance had been watching Keith slowly pulling away from the team for months now. Since Shiro came back and the Blade became a constant in their lives, Keith had started slipping away, and Lance didn’t know how to pull him back.

 

He was supposed to be his right-hand man; there to oppose him and to question his decisions. Yet when he was needed to mend him, he had no idea how. He was used to feeling like a failure but this time, it wasn’t only him caught up in the middle of it  — his friend was hurting and by extension, others were hurting, too. And it was all on him.

 

Don’t get him wrong, he was perfectly capable of calling Keith out on being selfish anytime, but this was something different. And it was as startling as seeing a bright flame being snuffed out before he had a chance to share its warmth.

 

Keith had been trying before but now he seemed to have just given up and there was nothing more terrifying than that.

 

***

 

They just returned from the battle that lasted for hours, positively exhausted and ready to quickly fix any injuries and proceed to pass out on their respective beds. The lights of the castle were dimmed since it was meant to be sometime around four in the morning. It was only Lance and Keith in the medbay. Hunk and Pidge left a few minutes ago, already patched up and stocked with ice packets. Lance saw Keith moving in his peripheral vision. He went to grab some anti-inflammatory gel and spare bandages. He came back to where Lance was sitting down on the bed and threw the tube with gel in Lance’s lap.

 

“For your hands,” he gestured to the bloody bruises decorating Lance’s knuckles from when he punched a sentry who got too close. Punching metal hurt a lot.

 

“Thanks.” Lance unscrewed the lid and pushed a bit of the salva out and spread it over his hands. “What about you? Any bruises? Cuts?” 

 

Keith ran hands down his sides and grimaced. “I might have slightly bruised my ribs. I got...thrown around a few times. Nothing that that gel won’t fix.” Keith reached behind his neck to pull down the zipper, letting the material of their black bodysuit fall down and pool around his hips. Keith tilted his head and looked at him expectantly. Lance blinked.

 

“Lance. The gel?” 

 

“Yeah,” he awkwardly cleared his throat. Why did his mouth suddenly feel so dry? “There you go.” He handed the tube over. Their fingers brushed.

 

“So…” He had this bizarre itch to dangle his legs nervously up and down like a little kid from the edge of the bedframe where he was seated even though he knew they were long enough to reach the floor. Keith looked up from where he was spreading a thin layer of the salva over his naked torso.

 

“You know what Pidge said the other day? About you being a loner?” He decided to go straight to the point because he couldn’t handle going around it rambling with Keith looking at him like that. 

 

Keith nodded. “Yeah, what about it?” His frown seemed to be saying,  _ why are you bringing it up now? _

 

“Just,” Lance made a vague wide gesture with his hands. “I guess it’s been bugging me. Do you really see yourself like that? I mean, if we’re talking past that broody vibe you’ve got going on. Do you still, even now?”

 

Keith’s frown deepened. “I’ve been alone my whole life.”

 

Lance felt his chest tighten. Keith had always been good at pushing his buttons but this time he was playing with a different set of them. Lance had to stop pretending that he hadn’t started to genuinely care about Keith at some point down this road. 

 

“That’s not what I asked, buddy.” 

 

Keith grunted, seemingly only mildly annoyed by this conversation, which was better than Lance had hoped for. 

 

“I’ve got Shiro.”

 

“Yes, you have him. But, I guess what I’m trying to say is, you have us now, too. You are not alo — ”

 

“Why are you doing this now, Lance?” Why are  _ you  _ the one who is doing this? That part went unsaid again. And wasn’t that a great question.

 

“Because you’re my friend. Not a loner.” Keith’s eyes widened. Lance didn’t know what to make of his expression.

 

“Well, kinda my friend. You know. A rival  _ slash  _ friend. Opponent buddy. Antagonist pal. ” Keith rolled his eyes at that and scoffed. “Look, somehow we all ended up being a part of this weird space family. Ergo you can’t be a loner if you’re a part of something. And you can’t argue with my reasoning there, it was solid.”

 

“I have never belonged in any family before.” Lance knew this but it was still startling to hear it Keith say out loud. Lance’s eyes fell on the bandages placed on the bed next to him. 

 

“Come here.” He patted the other side of the bed. “Let me help you with that.”

 

He pointed at Keith’s ribs. The boy looked surprised, then like he was about to refuse but in the end just shrugged his shoulders and came to sit beside Lance. Lance started unrolling the gauze, putting one end to Keith’s side, hands steady. “Hold it here.” Keith placed his hand over Lance’s, trapping it there while Lance got the roll wrap around his body in a tight fit.

 

“My mom left me when I was only a baby. I have no memories of her.” Lance continued in his work without looking up.

 

“My dad stayed with me for a few years, then gave up on me when I was old enough to go to school.” Keith rubbed fingers of the hand that was resting on his thigh over his thumb in small circles.

 

“I have never had anyone staying long enough to feel like it was a family. Until Shiro.” If Keith made a sound while he drew in another breath that sounded a little bit on the wet side, Lance would never call him out on it. “It’s hard for me to accept people. To accept that anyone would want to stick around. ‘S easier to leave before they have a chance to change their mind.”

 

Lance had always had trouble understanding Keith and what made him tick but now he could see just how hard Keith had had it and Lance had no idea. For a moment he stayed still and then he was moving, tying the end of the gauze and wrapping his arms around Keith, their chests pressed together.

 

“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know you felt that way. Guess I never did try to really understand you, huh?” He laughed self-deprecatingly and then winced at the sound of his voice. He always did that when he was nervous.

 

“It’s my fault, too.” Keith said at the same time as Lance blurted out, “I want you to stick around.”

 

After a moment of silence, Keith was the one who spoke again first, “You really do?” There was a sliver of hope in Keith’s voice and Lance was not about to let him down.

 

“Yes. And since we’re doing this, next step should be… trying to understand each other more? If we want to work together?”

 

“I’d like that.” Keith slowly pulled away, letting his bangs cover his eyes. Lance suddenly realized he was still hugging a half-naked Keith. He coughed, attempting to discreetly clear his throat and let down his hands. Keith stood up, tying the sleeves of the bodysuit around his slim waist. Lance was very patently looking everywhere else.

 

“Okay. Well. Since I’m now all patched up, I’ll go change.”

 

“Yeah, same.” He nodded as Keith was turning to walk out of the room. But then Keith stopped and gave him a look over his shoulder.

 

“And Lance, thank you for.. This,” he spread his arms around the room and the space between them, “and also this,” he pointed at his wrapped torso and smiled at him. Lance couldn’t help but smile back.

 

“No problem, man.” Keith’s smile grew bigger and it didn’t disappear even when he turned and started to walk away.

 

“Anytime,” Lance whispered at his back.

 

***

 

After the bright lights of the show went out, everything seemed so quiet back on the castle. Lance shifted on his bed and kicked off his sheets. He hadn’t been able to fall asleep for almost a varga now. His thoughts were once again occupied by a certain grumpy expression and soft black hair.

 

Lance wondered what would Keith have to say about his new title. He imagined his nose all crinkled and a quiet laugh. 

 

_ “Are you serious right now? Loverboy is even worse than Sharpshooter.” _

 

_ “Hey, what do you know? Ninja in the streets, lover in the sheets.” _

 

Oh, Keith would hate that. He smiled and could almost see him rolling his eyes at him, already preparing a comeback that would have Lance sputtering. 

 

_ I wish Keith was here. _ That thought was like a punch in the gut.

 

He wondered for a thousandth time if Keith was happy. If he found new friends and a place to call home. Quick briefings with the Blade didn’t exactly leave time for that type of questions. Lance sighed. Keith found his place with Marmora, he found his calling. He should feel happy for him.

 

(Did he leave because he thought the team would be better off without him? Keith, you self-destructive asshole.)

 

He had been angry with him for not being there. Only now, when he looked back, he was realizing that was the moment when he was supposed to tell him he  _ wanted  _ him there, not only needed him.  _ Easier to leave before they have a chance to change their mind.  _ He was supposed to say it over and over again until Keith believed him. Instead Lance watched Keith go and he had never felt more hopeless.

 

***

 

It wasn’t until Keith almost died that Lance realized how badly he messed up.

 

Lance wanted to yell at him, he wanted to punch him, he wanted to hold him and never let go. Keith looked at him and he seemed so defeated and small, standing in the middle of an empty hangar, he forgot everything he meant to do except taking him in with his eyes, taking in the fact that he was somehow  _ alive  _ and breathing. He crossed the space in long rushed steps and wrapped him tightly in his arms. The boy tensed for a few moments and then he started shaking all over. Lance squeezed him tighter.

 

“You’re here. You’re here. I’ve got you. I’ve got you, buddy.” He rubbed circles into Keith’s back, supporting his trembling weight and trying to gently guide him back from the edge of a precipice where the boy was standing. Keith felt warm and alive in his arms and Lance didn’t realize he was crying until he opened his eyes to look at Keith and his vision was all blurry. After a while, Keith stopped shaking but he still clutched firmly at Lance’s back.

 

Lance scrambled for words that left him the moment he laid his eyes on Keith. He needed to say something, to make Keith understand. He remembered the dimmed lights and hands touching the naked skin, Keith’s soft confession filling the slim space between them. That one conversation before Keith shut him off and the others, and even Shiro wasn’t able to get to him the way he did before. He steeled himself and moved his hands to rest on Keith’s shoulders.

 

“I meant what I said back then. A few months ago, in the medbay. After the battle on Nargo’h. When we were talking about  — ”

 

“I remember.” Keith said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

 

“Well, yeah. Keith. You are still a part of this team. Even if you’re not currently piloting any lion, your bond with Red is still there. I can feel it when I’m with her.” His words made Keith’s muscles tense under his hands. “Your bond with  _ us  _ is still there. It didn’t go away just because we haven’t seen each other for a while. We are still your team. Your friends. We are your family, Keith.” He tightened his grip on him.

 

“We don’t need you as our leader. Or as one of the paladins. We want  _ you _ . I want you as a part of my family, as my friend.”

 

Lance took a deep breath. He was going to address this, there was no way around it and at least he wasn’t screaming like he thought he would when he was rushing down the halls on the way from his lion.

 

“Look, Matt told us what happened and  — We don’t need you sacrificing for us. We just want  _ you _ .” He made sure to put extra emphasis on each word in that sentence. Something in Keith’s expression broke. 

 

“I couldn’t let you die,” he whispered and Lance’s heart ached for him.

 

“You and I both know that it was not only about that.” He felt Keith go slack against him. “Just because the Blade thinks so, doesn't mean you are.  _ You _ are not replaceable, Keith.” He thinks of Thace and Ulaz and other Blades who sacrificed themselves to make it all worth it in the long run. 

 

“There’s the mission and then there’s you. And I would choose your life over the mission one thousand times and more.” He heard Keith let out a surprised gasp. “I screwed up so bad, Keith. I was supposed to have your back, be your right-hand man. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you all this sooner.”

 

He put his hand on Keith’s cheek. It was wet. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when it mattered.”

 

He ran his thumb over his cheekbone and finally made Keith look up. “I’m sorry I didn’t follow you even though I promised I would.”

 

Keith’s eyes were hanging on his lips and Lance felt something in his chest twist.

 

“I’m sorry, too.” His voice was wobbly. “For pushing you away in the first place.”

 

Lance wasn’t sure what to do in that moment because his brain was screaming at him to move and he felt so overwhelmed and scared of doing the wrong thing. The space between them was too fragile and it could give way if he moved the wrong way.

 

So he closed his eyes, willing his heart and mind to calm down. This way he didn’t see Keith lean into him until he felt a cold touch to his forehead. He opened his eyes abruptly, blinking at the face that was suddenly so, so close to him. He could count all violent flecks in Keith’s irises from this distance.

 

Their breaths blended into each other, the warmth accumulating between them. They were just standing like that for a few dozens of tics, holding onto each other, looking, connected in ways they hadn’t been capable of reaching before.

 

“Lance, Keith, we need you at the command centre,” Allura’s amplified voice echoed through the speakers, filling empty corners of the hangar and finding its way between their mingled breaths. Lance felt like he was just waking up from a short trance and they both started to slowly pull away.

 

Keith gave him a small smile and Lance drank in the sight.  _ Alive _ .

 

Lance smiled back and took one of Keith’s hand in his own. He squeezed it.

 

“Let’s go.” Lance turned to go and Keith caught up to him and then they were walking side by side.

 

_ They were going to be fine. _

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment or kudos, if you like ♡ I really do hope at least some of you enjoyed this.
> 
> You can come talk to me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/beethkay), I'm always ready to spill some more tears over these boys.


End file.
